“Do you think people actually heal or just figure out ways to ignore better?…”
Personally, I believe it’s subjective. Some people take the time to work to fix the issue whatever it may be and some choose to pretend they’re working above it. The universe has a dope way of making you be who you think you are. At some point you’re forced into a situation that’ll challenge the work you’ve done or pretended to do. We’ve all seen things go this way when comes an assignment that been given to an entire class. The ones who put the work in to obtain the information were able to answer the questions whenever they’re asked. Those who chose to half-ass the work or chase not to do it at all, had trouble answering when called on. I myself have been on all three sides lol…sidenote: I hated school and the idea of sitting in one spot for longer than 30 minutes. But…I feel as though “healing” works the same way. The more prepared you are, the better the chances will be that you won’t suffer the same fate the next time you’re approached with a similar problem.
Now, I will say emotional trauma and things of that nature require an all hands effort when it comes being able to tolerate being placed in similar situations. Family issues may require a different set tools than relationship trauma. This is where doing the work determines the outcome. We all experience something that we ourselves would classify as “traumatic”. Be it because of dealings with a partner, a co worker or family member. Whichever the occasion, sometime mentally reliving those moments can make you feel as though you’re experiencing them all over again physically. When in actuality you may not have actually taken the time to process how you feel, when you’re feeling it. I know that sounds ridiculous to some but it is a real thing. Our bodies are constantly reacting to not only external environment but also our internal world. That is to include our thoughts. What are your thoughts triggering within?
An example I use for myself would be whenever thoughts of my mother and her passing arise, how do I actually feel? This question takes hold the hardest around Mother’s Day. So I tend to take a lot of things day by day. I like to check in and register what’s going on….I notice becomes a little tense and my emotions become heightened. I’m a little more sensitive to certain things, things that normally wouldn’t trigger much of a response. This tells me that I’m ok right where I am. For a good amount of time I would feel sort for a numbness around this time but…that was more so me ignore the signs. Recognition is one thing but engagement is another. “When you know better, you do better.”…a quote used very loosely. But I hold it close to heart. I try to leave myself little room for error once I receive information that can improve anything. Once I began to recognize this “numbness” I had to figure out what caused it. One word…”survival”. Expression of anything other than pleasure is a no-no. Especially as a young Black boy. My first time taking notice to this numb feeling was in 2021…on that day instead ignoring I wound up engaging and realized that it brought a smile to my heart to see how other people celebrated their mothers. So rather than wall myself off I engage it and enjoy it as if it were my own experience.
Long story long….if you want to know if someone is truly healing….take a notice of how they engage those feelings in those difficult moments. Are they able to articulate where they are mentally, physically and emotionally in real time?
Respect. 