WALK.

One day during my most recent deployment I was having a conversation with a sister of mine where I expressed not feeling as though I deserved some of the credit I’d been receiving for being who I am at work. In the midst of this conversation she mentioned me having “Imposter Syndrome”. At first, I was taken aback because I wasn’t sure of what this meant. So once it was explained to me it clicked…I was the only who felt that way. At some point there needed to come a time where I too believed what was being told to me had to stick. The first step to this process was increasing my self awareness and tapping in to the things that I consider myself to be good at but didn’t really have the confidence to share with others due to feeling inadequate. Plus, I’ve always had this weird feeling off not wanting to become too confident just incase I’m called to perform whatever task and in that moment I can’t. Something I had to understand was that, not only is no one perfect but…you can mess up and or underperform and still be confident in your abilities. As I began to apply these thoughts to my everyday life I saw a huge change in how I accepted criticism…starting with writing. I knew I had a good amount to say but wasn’t sure how well it would be accepted by those who took the time to read it. Would it be seen as a waste of time? Or would it be seen as something they would look to read again. As time went on and feedback began to come in I noticed it was far more positive than I’d expected. Even from complete strangers who had just so happen to stumble upon whichever post they read. Seeing this opened up a different perspective on how I saw myself. The next frontier was how I saw myself as a leader/mentor…

Starting my military journey as such a late age(some would consider), it was typically assumed that had all of the answers or at least most of them. That was not the case at all! There was a great deal of learning that had yet to take place…but I was unknowingly being prepared for. In the process of going through various professional and personal experiences I came to the realization that the knowledge that I was acquiring was not mine to keep. it was bestowed on me to enhance the lives of those around me. But just like a bald barber very few people trust a teacher who isn’t confident in what they’re teaching. So, I had to start with positive self talk and boosting my own self esteem. At point I believed that I needed to put my talents on full display making them subject to all kinds of nitpicking. But I chose otherwise. I preferred to take my concerns about not feeling as though I deserved some of the praise I had received for different things. In all actuality, I did. I began to realize that I was exactly who people praise for being. Learning to walk in this confidence has helped tremendously! Now…whenever advice is asked of me, I confidently give my full opinion or speak whatever facts I’m in possession of. At one point I shied away from being someone who was highly sought after when it came to being a mentor but nowadays I willingly accept it. It all came with confidently saying “I don’t know.” in times when I’m unsure of what I’m being asked. In my opinion, the power isn’t in being able to state this…it’s in still being confident enough to view yourself as an asset in spite of.