First things first….Happy Birthday to myself.
Sitting in complete silence, staring at a wall borderline meditating. I’ve come to the realization that, life has literally become what I’ve made it…in every aspect. Over the last 3-4 years I’ve learned to push out the noise so to speak and quiet my life down quite a bit. Being a service member that’s not always easy but I somehow am able to do it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m just stubborn that way or….its become easier for me to sift through the nonsense but either way I’ve learn to “shut up….without shutting out”. Over the last year I told myself I’d get back on here when I felt like it was the right time to do so. But I also fought it because last year felt like one big rain storm that refused to end even when things brightened up. I will say that feel like a lot of it came because I expended way too much energy trying to make sure others were ok all while neglecting myself at times.
Especially in my line of work. I feel like the large majority of the people are extremely selfish and I feel like there’s no real sense of self amongst any of them. It seems as though everyone clings to whoever is the most dominant person in the room is and will stop at nothing to appease them. Even if it means going so far outside of themselves they don’t realize how stupid they look. Now, obviously I know myself well enough to know when to go that route and when not to. It’s like being surrounded by a bunch of children that have simply grown older with no signs of growing up. Do I feel as though I’m too mature for what I currently do? 100%…do I feel like I lend too much of myself to this thing? 100%. It does become difficult at times to withdrawal myself and be completely void of any type of attachment to anyone associated with the Navy as a whole because at the end of the day the show won’t stop because of one monkey. Being a part of this show has taught me a lot about reciprocation and why it’s important to surround yourself with things and people that make you feel at home. So I’ll slowly but SURELY reworking those things and people away from me that make me feel alien. And welcoming those things that have that feeling of home.
Respect. 