Prompt 1

I’d have to say the experiences that helped me grow the most would have to be…

The passing of all of the matriarchs that helped shape me as a child…they made their transition at different points in my life. But there was something I had to learn at each step. When my mother passed I was a teen and really had no concept of grieving looked nor felt like. It was also my first glimpse of depression and how it can speed up someone’s decline. Fast forward to Mother’s Day of 2018…I finally came to understand acceptance and the part it would play in how I would be able handle certain thoughts going forward. My great grandmother who I’d spent everyday with from the age of 5 until I was 17 was the one that showed me what grace looked like. It may have been because of old age but I even when frustrated I never saw her lose her cool or even raise her voice. Even when I wasn’t being the person I should’ve been she didn’t waiver from being gracious. Shortly before leaving for boot camp the woman that raised me made her return to her essence and watching her decline was something I had to adapt to everyday. Of course she was pivotal in my development not only as a man but as a human being. She exemplified what unconditional love was in my opinion. Whether I was bringing home the worst grades known to man simply I refused to do homework or I was knocking out my chores without having being told to…her love never felt any different. During the last year or so of her life it was my turn to be her caregiver along with my grandfather…for whatever reason it never felt like a burden, which let me know that things done with love never feel heavy. Upon her passing I had a since of relief vice a sense of emptiness. One day I was visiting one of my aunts who happen to be her first cousin and someone she’d been extremely close their whole lives. We were exchanging memories and it stung me that I didn’t feel sad but instead I felt light. My aunt went on to explain that I was feeling this way because my grandfather and I had done everything we could do to make her as comfortable as we could while she was with us in the physical. Just last year while on deployment I was on a port visit to Guam which is a small island in the pacific with beautiful weather and pretty good food. On the final night of this visit I was having trouble sleeping and ran my mind restless trying to figure out why. The next day when I woke up to prep for the day and check to see if I’d had any messages…low and behold I did. My father had messaged me asking me to call him…as soon as I read it, I knew what it was. I called and he informed me that my grandmother(his mother) had passed away the night before. Once again that feeling of relief came over me, not necessarily for myself but for him. This was the first time I truly FELT empathetic.