Do For Self.

Bismillah.

There’s something about finally getting to a point where you realize that certain behaviors just can’t exist within you when you’re trying to reach certain places. One of said behaviors is, placing other people’s well being over your own. After having to be isolated for the better part of the last few months, both in part due to the virus and on my own accord. I’ve noticed that the, “them first, me second” mentality is crippling. I say it’s crippling because it doesn’t allow someone the opportunity to actually keep themselves at peak heath. Believe it or not, you CAN NOT do both. You can’t be there for someone else, being a portion of yourself. One of the biggest things that I’ve noticed about this trend is, once the care giver is put into a position to take care of themselves they can’t do it. It’s my belief that this happens because of the way their brain has been programmed. Sometimes through our upbringing we are steered away from being in self preservation mode, and guided towards throwing ourselves to the way side. What we wind up doing when we do this, is we forget our own health. We forget that our health comes first be it physical, mentally or emotional. Or even all three! They’re in some way effected by this neglect. In my opinion we do our existence an injustice by putting ourselves last.

Just to be clear on my stance, I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with being reliable. Especially to someone who really needs you, but you must take into account that you are one person. And for that reason you can’t take on their problems and be able to function at a high level. As a society we’ve become so accustomed to operating at anywhere from 50 to 70% that we don’t know what it’s like to give our full selves to anything. Another side effect that comes from this, is the guilt that accompanies finally giving yourself space to say “no” at times and focus on yourself. You have to realize that, you are your biggest asset in any space you exist in. Be it at work, in your relationship or even your friendships. The temperature of those interactions is solely based on what’s brought to the table by either side. How many times have we encountered someone who’s been broken and we’ve tried to heal them, then all of the sudden they’re healed and now you’re shattered? Probably too many to care to count. So one solution to this problem is, as soon as you feel you’re lending too much of yourself…back off some. It’s ok to step back and just be by yourself, you’re always going to need you the most.

One argument I consistently get when I’m speaking on this is, “what if you have children and you’re their sole caretaker?”. Obviously I can’t answer this question because of the fact that….I have no children. But as someone who at one point lived in a home with someone who was terminally ill. Even to the point where they had little to no control over their bowels, that time to gather my thoughts was taken. As little as it may have been, it happened. So my advice is, in those short windows do something that makes YOU feel complete. It doesn’t have to be something big, just something that brings you the happiness that we all as a species deserve. One thing that I like to do when I get those moments, is just sit and breathe. Appreciate the oxygen that I take in and appreciate the air that comes out. I feel like if more people released themselves from this way of thinking, their lives may not become easier right away but over time they’ll notice the position they’re in as opposed to before. Oh….and another thing, YOU NEED SLEEP! I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say they don’t need it, yes you do. It’s literally the most important survival tool you have next to water. Without consistent rest you will literally die….so please get your sleep.

Asalaamu Alaykum.