In A Perfect World…

I was letting my fingers peruse through Facebook about a week ago and came across a post, that asked people’s opinions on their “perfect relationship” and how would they go about pursuing it. Of course that got me to thinking. This is something I’ve lost sleep over numerous times, not because it bothered me but because I felt like I’d finally figured it out. At least from a conceptual standpoint. Now the challenge was to work through the ins and outs. First things first was to get an understanding of the friendship dynamic within the partnership. In my personal opinion you and your significant MUST be friends before anything. Why do I feel this way? Mainly because of the simple fact that some people show a undying loyalty to their friends but always keep their significant other just a notch lower in terms of loyalty. Whether they want to admit it or not. Which I believe makes it easier for some to do things that would cause hurt to their partner, before they would do anything that would dishonor a friendship. So, the way I feel I would approach any given situation would be if I’m not willing to let my friends down, why would I not have the same respect for her?”. I mean, at the end of the day respect is respect no matter how you slice it. Lets face it, when the day is done and the two of you are home alone…it’s important to be able to exist not only romantically but as two people who genuinely enjoy each other’s presence. Is it always going to be laughter and smiles? Of course not, but once again that friendship kicks in and may negate some of that friction. One thing that I’ve noticed in my own experience over the last few years was, though we were sexually compatible we wouldn’t have worked as friends. Which will ultimately cause any relationship eventually run itself into the ground. Once the sex is gone(and yes it does happen), there really isn’t too much to stand on besides a title. And we all know that a relationship in title alone isn’t a relationship at all!

Something else that kept coming up in the comments, was the fact that people felt as though they couldn’t be themselves with or around their partners. This is definitely something that I’ve come in contact with numerous times. I’ve had a bad habit of watering myself down to make her feel comfortable. Now when I say her I’m referring to past relationships lol. Whether it be lessening the sting of my sense of humor or even as I’m ashamed to say it dumbing myself down. Not necessarily learning less but not making it a priority like I normally do. There have also been times where I stopped maintaining myself physically to make them feel less insecure. Which in the end backfired because it caused me to sink into a depression, and this we all know brings a whole truck load of problems within itself. So, being able to access my personality in full is a big thing for me. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel comfortable around their person right? The word “comfortable” is scary for some because it represents a lack of effort. But to me it represents the ability to access your full potential mainly because you can think full and clear thoughts. So now you can express yourself openly and not have to worry about judgement or being turned a deaf ear to. So why did I mention these two first? Because I believe these two go hand and hand, we have no issue with going to our friends for advice or even with a problem we may have with them. But when it comes to relationships at least for me at one point, I never felt that comfort. I was “crazy” or “doing too much.” but let me not be understanding of their situation….instantly the worst human on the planet. And up until about a year ago I thought these behavior patterns were normal. It was a part of the territory, to be okay with going without for the sake of making things work. I was starving myself of a productive fruitful relationship, which I also had numerous hands in the destruction of. I won’t try to pretend like I was perfect and everything was their fault. But I will take credit for attempting to fix myself and the relationship from my level of understanding at that time.

Bringing it back to now, one of the bigger knocks that I have on myself is that I’m a definitely a work in progress when it comes to communication! I say a lot through my humor and at times it doesn’t get caught and by the time I become more blunt the moment’s gone and I’m back at square one. But I can say that one good thing about me is, once I feel like something is becoming a detriment I work like hell to fix it. Could it be too late at times, yes but I now know for next time to do better. And to me that’s all that matters…changed behavior. But my issue has always been, how can I know if I’m wrong if I’m not informed. I’m most definitely the type of person that you have to tell me, where I went wrong. Not saying that I don’t pick up on signs or catch hints. More recently I’ve come across people who will wait until they’re damn near about to pop before they finally speak their true feelings. One thing I’ve gotten into the habit of doing is, speaking it as I feel it. I’m mostly speaking on communication from a verbal standpoint because that’s the obvious way to convey your thoughts and feelings. But it seems like the most difficult at the same time. In this present moment, the way I see it is if we can’t shoot the shit or simply talk about whatever is our minds then how will it work? When everything is said and done they’re the person you should be able to go to both for reassurance and education. But at the same time be that “oooh! I can’t wait to tell…” person. Like I said we can communicate perfectly when it comes to our “friends” but when it comes to our significant others things get lost in translation. I attribute that to that separation.

To be continued….