The Root Of The Problem…

Bismillah.

Earlier this morning I saw a post that referenced a daughter seeking her mother’s advice on how to “poison” her husband. The reason she wanted to do this to her husband is, because she was tired of his “nonsense”. Her mother basically went on to coach her through what she thought was the poisoning of her husband. But as it turned out, she was actually showing how to nurture him all while showing her where she was lacking. In the end, it worked out well on all sides. One thing I’ve noticed is people’s unwillingness to admit fault or flat out turning a blind eye to the fact that they’re indeed the reason things fall apart. In my opinion this starts with your surroundings, if you surround yourself with people who are willing to be honest with you whether right or wrong you tend to make better decisions. But a lot of times people tend to only want to be surrounded by people that will only tell them what they want to hear. And we all know that is definitely not the way to go! There’s something about someone telling me I’m doing ok, knowing damn well I’m not just doesn’t feel right. But somewhere someone is allowing their “friend” to continue down the wrong path and not saying a word.

Don’t get me wrong, having to be the barer of bad news in this aspect is never an easy thing to do but it needs to be done. It creates an overall positive environment. When I say the barer of bad news, I don’t mean being a dickhead that looks for any opportunity to put someone down. I mean, being able to tell your friend “that’s not a good look” without actually hurting them. But that also falls on the friend receiving the criticism to be mature enough within themselves to be able to take it. In the case of the wife in this post, I feel like had she had someone in her corner that was willing to give her this type of honesty these measures wouldn’t have been needed. Because let’s face it, sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and think we know everything. You know…”it’s them, it’s not me” or “if they would just listen, then things would be fine.” But in the end, it’s really us that’s the issue and instead of confronting ourselves about it we pass it on to our spouse. That can’t happen! Accountability starts within, how can I expect someone else to hold ME accountable for MY actions if I don’t first? Sometimes the best thing to do is, step back…re-evaluate…find a solution and then reengage. There’s nothing wrong with doing a self assessment every now and again.

Those thought processes you’ve used in the past may not work with who you currently are and certainly won’t work with who you want to become. Even if it means distancing yourself from some people you never thought you’d have to. And that’s perfectly ok! Shedding is apart of the growth process, as well as continuously looking into yourself. Those red flags you see, someone else can definitely see. But it’s not their responsibility to fix them, it’s YOUR’S! Nor is it their’s to deal with, if they decide they’ve had enough and no longer want to be there they don’t have to be. At that point you’re not only creating a bad situation for yourself but for them as well. So if you really care about them as you say you do, be a good person and allow them that separation that’s needed to keep things healthy. Sometimes distance is the best remedy for an issue. Forcing someone to stay or hurting yourself for the sake of getting them to stay is a sickness that does no one any good. I don’t care how much they pretend that they are ok, they never will be until you are healed. And even then they have to be allowed time to heal from the damage they’ve suffered from being in such a messed up situation.

Asalaamu Alaykum.