When I look inside the mirror…

Bismillah.

A few days ago I’d made a post about people using this time to wipe down their “mirrors”. As some of the comments started to come in it felt some people misinterpreted what I was saying. I used the word mirror in reference to you taking a look on the inside and seeing what needs fixing. When I say look inside I mean all aspects of your being. Now, I know some people are going to say “I’m good, I don’t need to!”. But the question is, “are you?”. I’m pretty sure there’s something each one of us can work toward fixing about ourselves…and the first step is identifying the problem and then working on a strategy to dispose whatever the issue may be. Most of us have a tendency to look for quick fixes to kind of sweep the problem under the rug and try to ignore it, until it pops back up at what always seems like the wrong time! But are you actually fixing it? Or are you just concealing it? I did a lot of concealing just because it wasn’t cool to deal with emotions or be emotional but the fact of the matter is it’ll kill you in the long run. I know it’s a little drastic to use that word but that’s exactly what happens be it physically, mentally or spiritually. You’re never whole, so you’re denying yourself that opportunity to live freely…you’re merely existing at that point.

One reoccurring thing that comes to mind when I sit and listen to my thoughts is, am I communicating or just talking? Communication has always been an achilles heel for me, especially when it comes to expressing emotion. For some reason I fall back into the space of “they know what it is.” but then again what if they don’t? Now what? And it I constantly piss myself when those thoughts come because it’s like I know better but that stubborn side comes out and not a word is spoken. So, I’m making it my point to become somewhat more expressive. This doesn’t mean that because you’ve read this I now owe you some type of heart felt conversation lol. It simply means I’ve acknowledged the issue and I’m working to fix it permanently. One step I’ve taken to improving my communication skills is giving my thoughts the time they need to process, instead of rushing them or forcing myself to say something just to speak. Nope! I use to wish I was one of those people that could just say whatever came to them but that’s not me. I need to process, I need to think first. It may irritate some but it is what is.

Another aspect of me that I noticing needed work when I was wiping down my mirror was, being ok with being alone. Don’t confuse being alone for being lonely, there is definite difference! I am in no way lonely but this alone time is love! I’m learning to enjoy my space and the ability it gives me to have clear thought processes. Now I see why people are always raving about being able to just be in the house or go and do things on their own. It’s a different type of freedom and also a different type of confidence that comes with it! Being in this mind state also gives me a chance to sit and just be still. Meditation is something that’s surely helped with that aspect and vice versa learning to be alone allows me to control what comes in and out of my mental space. It’s nothing for me to wake up turn some music on and just sit and enjoy the energy around me. My Mom-mom would always say “peace, be still…” and it always puzzled me. But I think I’m finally understanding what she meant…sit down and become at peace with myself.

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Asalaamu Alaykum