The Red Queen’s Race…

“You run this hard, just to stay in place….” – Jay-Z “Legacy”

“See…how the universe works? It takes my hurt…and helps me find more of myself…that’s a gift and a curse” – Jay-Z “Legacy”

Those two lines stuck out the most to from that entire body of work. The first because been a lot of times where I found myself stuck between just moving and being productive. I’ll be bouncing off the wall swearing I’m doing the most but in all actuality I wasn’t doing a damn thing but wasting energy. So, about 3-4 months ago I made it my mission to find my purpose and actually walk in it.

And that lead me right back to fitness…for the last 7-8 years I’d been saying “I’m going to get my personal training certificate!” And the true essence of an overthinker…is y’all myself out of it! “Now’s not the right time!” The first was most definitely the hardest but it was also the simplest…order the study materials and prep for the exam! Now if you’ve ever seen me play basketball you’d know I’ve never had a quick first step…so that first step was not pretty! But it got done!

I’m slowly learning to just go for what I want vice being hesitating or just waiting for it to come to me. This blog is a prime example…I know can write…my grammar is decent and I have substance to what I’m saying so what not share it?! One thing that I’ve gained from this is the ability to allow the universe turn me into a mirror and forcing me to wipe down that mirror a little everyday to help rebuild myself brick by brick!

I love it tho! I’m finally at a place where I can feel the difference versus thinking I do. The slightest bit of negativity that creeps into any of my thought processes gets washed quickly by a sudden sense of purpose. It’s almost like my brain has a bouncer and he’s standing at the door telling them “get the fuck back!” I’m dreaming clearer, I’m sleeping better, I don’t have those random anxiety attacks out of nowhere like use to. And all of this from just being still and allowing the universe to work through me instead of trying to make do what I wanted it to do.

One thing my therapist tells me to do is, “embrace the hurt, so you can hug it and release it!” And it took me forever to get it…but that I do I have no choice but to do better! And that starts with placing one foot in front of the other…