Trust The Process.

These constant self-evaluations I’ve been putting myself through since being here have been both uplifting and depressing lol. And one of the first things I knew I had to do was re-learn how to be by myself and just be still. Another thing I’ve kind of adopted is saying “no” and meaning it…if it’s not for me I don’t want it. I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’ve never fully healed from my grandmother’s passing back in 2013.

She was the woman that raised me!

Now…back to this whole self-love thing. It’s a totally new frontier for me that’s exciting and nerve wrecking. Of course there are those moments where I slip back into my old way of thinking which is “Them before self!”. And I noticed that everyone around me that truly loves themself…moves as if they’ve figured out the key to life! And I definitely want in! But I also believe that no one can teach me how to love me better than me! But I’ve also noticed that as soon as I made loving myself a priority…things around me began to change. I don’t stress over the same things anymore.

One thing that’s come from putting love of self has first is tapping into something that I’ve ignored for the longest…and that’s my ability to write! I’ve always felt like I’ve had a touch for it but never fully immersed myself into it like I have recently. And just being able to write out and publish my thoughts without hesitation has shown me that it’s working!

I set up a blog site about 6 months ago and never touched it…why? Because I talked myself out of it, which I’ve always had a bad habit of. Hopefully eventually I can completely elevate that and just move on first thought! No second guessing…no pondering…just movement!!! And that’s in all aspects of my life…professional goals, personal goals…in relationships especially. Second guessing is crippling and it all comes from a fear of rejection, at these in my case. “What if she says no?” “What if they don’t like that idea?” So on and so forth…

Another thing I’ve noticed is the people I’ve been attracting to me…since I’ve changed my thinking in regards to myself. Being my biggest critic is both a gift and a curse. It’ll at times cause me to be hesitant at times that I shouldn’t which eventually leads to me overthinking which leaves me wondering “what if?”. And then doubt kicks in but I’ve noticed since I’ve been focusing on log in myself pushing myself to be more proactive vice my action reactionary has become a lot easier. And it’s been paying huge dividends. It’s a slow grind but it’s cool learning more about me.

The other side to learning this is you’ll have days where the love won’t be there at all! And I think those are the days where you have to see if you really have it in you!